The End?

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Hiya guys! It's been a minute.... a little over a month to be exact. To be so honest right now, I don't even know how to start off this post. Which is why I have been dragging my feet with it for the last couple weeks. But I'm just going to say it like ripping a band-aid... I'm taking a somewhat hiatus from swatching.

What does that mean?

I wish I could tell you, but as of right now I am not completely sure myself. I know at least for the time being I will not be reviewing any new indie collections. I'm actually stepping away quite a bit from the indie polish world and will only be posting reviews that consist of 1-3 shades if that. Everything is just so fast-paced and competitive and well to be frank I'm not up for that anymore. After blogging for nearly four to five years (I don't even know and am too lazy to check) I have grown extremely tired of having my hobby feel like a job. Having to come home from my actual job to maybe having an hour to relax, eat, and spend with my loved ones and then going to swatch for 5 hours is insane. And this was my life. Every. Single. Day. I work very slowly (I can admit that) and do one swatch per hour. I also have a high level of perfectionism and would find myself reswatching a polish up to 5 times to get everything about it just right. Things got to the point where I couldn't even have a night off without feeling immense guilt and anxiety from being so far behind into my work. And I don't have anyone to blame but myself for this, I know that.

I don't mean to sound so jaded and ungrateful because for the last few years this community and this world made me extremely happy. Until well... it didn't anymore. But it isn't just about blogging or polish, it's me. I am not happy with my life. And I'm actually crying as I type this because it's still such a hard realization to come to and accept. As some of you know I have been extremely depressed and anxiety ridden for maybe the last two years. Maybe even longer. It's hard to pinpoint because I think it's something that has always been there, but it took all this time to be able to admit to it being a problem. But I digress, I am depressed. I hate everything about my life right now and feel like a old talent-less fat loser. I have barely any friends. I don't do anything besides paint my nails. I don't go out of the house except for work. I'm getting fatter and unhealthier by the day. I'm literally a waste of time and space. That sounds so harsh, haha. I'm not using any filters here guys. These are my thoughts raw and unedited, it's literally what I think of myself every moment of every day. So you can see how after so much time it's finally taken a toll on me and caused me to have a complete and total meltdown.

I am done.

I am done feeling this way. I am done letting the years slip by. I am done letting life get away from me. I am done with letting others make me feel small and insignificant.

For the last two months I have put a lot of thought into what I want my life to be like. And I have come to realize... I still really love nail polish. What I don't like is feeling like I am not good enough, like I am not working hard enough, or like I'm a slave to an imaginary system in my head. So I'm taking back my hobby and making sure it stays in that lane. I will continue to swatch and review polishes, but no longer will do large collections. And I will only do 1-2 reviews a week, if that. Now of course I have a lot of catching up to do from makers who have been so kind while I was having my mental breakdown. But those updates will come slowly through the next few months. Most of all, I want to get back into nail art and videos. Because that stuff was actually fun as heck and didn't feel grueling... or maybe it did but not in the same way, haha.

I have also made the realization that I am not just nail polish and nails. There are so many other hobbies that I have left in the dust and want to reclaim. But it's not just about hobbies, but about my life. I want to change my life and be a happy person. There are the things beyond my control and I am seeking professional help. Please don't worry in that regard. Up to this point I have let too many negative things define me and I am ready to change who I think I am into someone I won't be ashamed of.

So because of that this blog will expand to include more lifestyle posts and content. I want to share everything from planning, to writing my novel after so many years, to my newfound weight loss journey, to learning Korean. Yes, Korean because I plan on moving to South Korea sometime next year or so. If all of this sounds completely random it's because it is and I am loving it.

Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis. Or maybe my depression is manifesting and causing me to self-sabotage. I don't know. But I can at least say that the last few weeks have been a step in the right direction. I am enjoying the little things, like having an hour to write before bed. Reading a book with my puppy curled on my lap as I sip some tea. I have been exercising daily - something I never thought was possible - and have lost 11 pounds in the last month and a half. All these little things have been helping to find myself. I am still struggling daily, often times feeling so alone and empty. I think about self-harming on a daily basis and it's a fight I don't always win. But I am getting the help I need. Because life gets better and my life WILL be better. I hope that sharing this maybe can help anyone out there that could be struggling too.

I hope you guys stick around for the new chapter in my life. I plan on doing a simple revamp of the blog within the next few days. Not changing too much and will be keeping the same name since it seems to fit (for now). Thank you if you made it this far into my post, I appreciate every single person that takes the time to read my little corner of the internet.



Music City Beauty - Risque Collection

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Hiya guys! It's the start of a new week and I am counting down the days down to the minutes for Polish Con this weekend. I'm beyond excited and if you're attending be sure to look for the girl with teal colored hair, haha. But that's not all I'm excited about this week as I have a semi-new indie on the block to show you all. Today I'm sharing swatches for the Risque Collection by Music City Beauty, which consists of six summer ready neons. So while this is a brand new to see in the indie community, this is actually a rebranding of Smokey Mountain Lacquers. I'm so happy to be part of the new journey for Kim as she reinvents her brand and let me just say, she's kicking things off with a bang! As the name of the collection suggests, the polishes will have risque names so you have been warned. Without further ado, let's head on over to the swatches!

Music City Beauty - Risque Collection

The Risque Collection by Music City Beauty will be available for purchase Sunday, June 17th at 7PM CST. Each full-size 15mL retails for $10. Polishes will only be available individually - no sets.

Sassy Pants Polish - Polish Pick Up June 2018

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Hiya guys! Today is the best day I have ever had in my life. My amazing hubs surprised me with tickets for the upcoming BTS concert in Newark NJ. I have spent most of the day screaming and crying hysterical, both from excitement and over the price tag for the tickets haha. But it isn't just an exciting day for me, but for all of you as well. It's finally Polish Pick Up day! And for today I'm sharing swatches for Wakka Wakka by Sassy Pants Polish, which is the June contribution to the Polish Pickup Collaboration. Can you guess the video game by the name?! I hope you can because this one is really special to me... without further ado let's head on over to the swatches!

Sassy Pants Polish - Polish Pick Up June 2018

Wakka Wakka by Sassy Pants Polish will be available for purchase through the Polish Pickup Shop Friday, June 1st at 11AM EST through June 4th. The full-size 15mL shade will retail for $11 each and there is no cap this month.

Poetry Cowgirl Nail Polish - Polish Pick Up June 2018

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Hiya guys! Have you ever wanted something so much that it's made you cry? Well that's been me with this concert I want to go to in September. Long story short, tickets are sold out and the only ones available second hand are doubled in price. Not cool. Sigh. Anyway all that said... It's another day in the land of polish and we are one day closer to the video game themed Polish Pick Up. With such a fun theme this month I am sure to get over the concert in no time. For today I'm sharing swatches for The Power of Paint by Poetry Cowgirl Nail Polish, which is the June contribution to the Polish Pickup Collaboration. There is a cap limit to this beauty, so if you don't want to cry like me miss out be sure to add it to your wishlist. Now let's go ahead and take a look at the swatches!

Poetry Cowgirl Nail Polish - Polish Pick Up June 2018

The Power of Paint by Poetry Cowgirl Nail Polish will be available for purchase through the Polish Pickup Shop Friday, June 1st at 11AM EST through June 4th. The full-size 15mL shade will retail for $14 each and there is a cap of 130.

Pretty Beautiful Unlimited - Polish Pick Up June 2018

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Hiya guys! Okay before I dive into polish I have to ask my polish lovers a quick question... Any BTS fans here in the polish world? If so please let me know because I need someone around my age to share my new found obsession, haha. Just in case I am the only one I won't bore you with my fan-speak and stick to the polish! And what a week it is in our polish community, it's a video game inspired Polish Pick Up this month. My inner geek has been pelvic thrusting all over the place for this theme. Okay... that sounded weird, haha. Moving on... For today I'm sharing swatches for Vengeance by Pretty Beautiful Unlimited, which is the June contribution to the Polish Pickup Collaboration. I've done quite a bit of embarrassing babbling, so let's just go straight into these swatches!

Pretty Beautiful Unlimited - Polish Pick Up June 2018

Vengeance by Pretty Beautiful Unlimited will be available for purchase through the Polish Pickup Shop Friday, June 1st at 11AM EST through June 4th. The full-size 15mL shade will retail for $12 each and there is a cap of 250.

ZOYA JELLY BRITES - SPECIAL EDITION 2018

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SPECIAL EDITION 2018 –  JELLY BRITES
Love to get the most out of your color? Jelly Brites are perfect for you! Wear alone as a sheer, buildable, glossy translucent color – or layer with other colors to make jelly sandwiches! The Jelly Brites also make a great kiss of color for a French manicure.
MOLLY (ZP937): A non-streaking, buildable, translucent red/pink jelly with an ultra-glossy finish.
PARIS (ZP938): A non-streaking, buildable, translucent fuchsia jelly with an ultra-glossy finish.
ALIA (ZP939): A non-streaking, buildable, translucent plum jelly with an ultra-glossy finish.

BONUS!
Celebrate National Nail Polish Day with us on Friday June 1st (and all weekend) by getting the Jelly Brites FREE* with any purchase on www.zoya.com.

Use Code: POLISH – Trio will be added automatically.
Valid 6/1/2018 – Sunday 6/3/2018 (11:59pm ET)

Psst – The code is already active.
(US and Canada Consumers Only)

See the Jelly Brites here.

AVAILABLE ONLINE JUNE 1st, 2018
ZOYA.COM $10 ea.(US)

*10 FREE FORMULA: FORMULATED WITHOUT FORMALDEHYDE, FORMALDEHYDE RESIN,
DIBUTYL PHTHALATE, TOLUENE, CAMPHOR, TPHP, PARABENS, XYLENE, ETHYL TOSYLAMIDE and LEAD.


Supermoon Lacquer - Polish Pick Up June 2018

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Hiya guys! I'm finally feeling a little better from my food mania this weekend, haha. But I am having to take it easy on the eating, which let me tell you is no freaking fun. Haha. I tend to munch while I swatch so it's a total buzz kill. But not to worry because there is something this week here to cheer all of us up.... Polish Pick Up! Inspired by Video Games no less. Wallets prepare to get wrecked! For today I'm sharing swatches for Azoth by Supermoon Lacquer, which is the June contribution to the Polish Pickup Collaboration. Old schools will get a special kick out of this one as Mardi goes way back for her inspiration. Want to know what it is? Well let's get to the swatches and find out!

Supermoon Lacquer - Polish Pick Up June 2018

Azoth by Supermoon Lacquer will be available for purchase through the Polish Pickup Shop Friday, June 1st at 11AM EST through June 4th. The full-size 12mL shade will retail for $12.50 each and there is no cap this month.

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