Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019!

Happy New Year! I'm finally back and I am so excited to begin a new journey with all of you. Taking the last months off was the best decision I could have ever made. It was such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was almost mind boggling how much anxiety something that I once loved was giving me. Now when I say I stepped away, I really mean it. Heck I didn't even touch my nails for nearly a two month period - it was a pretty sight.  I ended up having so much free time I didn't know what to do with myself, but then I realized I didn't have to do anything. That ended up being a very slippery slope of video games and online shopping, haha. But in the process of finding myself and what I wanted to do with this space, I ended up finding a new name for my blog. And that's kind of where my journey began to take form and well... I'd like to officially welcome you to Emberlinmoon!

And with that I also want to share my new blog post about what else? New Year Resolutions! A little cliche I know. Now more than ever I feel like it's important to have goals and ambitions for my mental health. So that I don't get lost or sway or give into my negative thoughts. This road that I have decided to go on won't be easy or paved in gold, but that's why I want to share it all with you guys. And if I can inspire anyone to start their own journey then the pain along the way will be worth it to me. Oh lord, I've been away for a few months and I have turned into a complete sap eh? Enough of that. Let's talk 2019 people!

1. Plan, plan, and more planning

I have been a planner fanatic since around 2015 when I purchased my first Kate Spade agenda. It was a slippery slope as I discovered the planner community shortly there after and have never been able to look back. Over the last two years though, with my anxiety at an all time high, I let decorating my pages dominate the actual functionality. And therefore causing me more anxiety! Eek. 

This year I want to get back to using a planner, but I also realize that my needs have far expanded beyond the pages of what one can hold. The photo probably looks a little overwhelming and it started to feel it too, so I'm actually cutting down from 7 to 5 (two are not in the photo). Thankfully the two I cut out for the year are undated so I can always bring them into my rotation whenever I see fit or save them for next year. For now though I am focusing on using a planner for fitness/health, budgeting, and daily to-dos. The other two will be my monthly overview to keep track of my social media posting and the other will be a memory keeper of sorts.

But this resolution isn't about just planning for the sake of planning. Instead I plan to focus on specific areas of my life including one that needs it the most: budgeting. During my state of high depression I ended up spending a lot of money on credit for things I didn't need. There was just such a huge void inside me that I started filling it with the fleeting joy of buying something new. Note that the keyword here is 'fleeting' and well as you can imagine things got bad real fast. No more of that! I want to focus on my spending and cut out things I don't need but rather just want. This feels like it should be a whole blog post on its own, don't you think?

2. Health and Fitness
This one should be a no-brainer considering the last three years of my health. In a way I felt like the last three years of my life I wasn't even alive, like I can't remember anything aside from pain. And it kills me knowing that I wasted so much of my life and youth being so sick. But that's the past now and there is no use in thinking about it or shedding tears because I can't change what happened. What I can change is where I am at right now and actually this journey began around Summer 2018. In a span of six months I ended up losing 50lbs just by doing cardio and watching what I eat. The changes though... it almost feels unreal what losing those pounds did for me. Surprisingly enough the most noticeable change was mental. Both my depression and anxiety drastically decreased during the last few months to the point where I was even able to attend my first ever concert in life! If that's not motivating I don't know what is to be honest, haha.

2019 is the year of reaching my ultimate goal weight and toning up. Due to other health concerns (yay said no one ever to new health problems) I had to take the last month super easy and I have felt the change mentally. For the worse. This year not only do I plan on continuing the gym daily, but I also wish to start daily yoga and mediation. I feel like both of these will help me greatly when my physical limits restrict my ability to work out at the gym. I'm still trying to figure out a way of sharing this part of my journey onto the blog, but it's definitely something I want to implement.

3. Read more books and start writing my own too.
I love to read. Whether that be crime books, cheesy teen angst, spiritual, or heck even Wattpad fanfiction. I love it all and want to be able to just make the time for it again. It seems like such a silly and small thing, but really when you break it down do you take the time to read daily? I don't know, maybe you do and if that's the case share your secrets with me senpai!

This is probably one of my simplest resolutions on this list: make time to read more! I have a goal of reading two books - no matter what length - a month. I'm aiming on doing at least one work of fiction and one non-fiction, but as long as I read something I am not going to be so hard on myself.

But it's not just about reading books, I want to be able to write some of my own as well. For a long time I wanted to be a published author and wrote almost on a daily basis. Then life happened. My mental health started declining followed by my physical and then some more mental and well... Five years later and I hadn't written a single word. Then Nanowrimo 2018 came around, which if you don't know it's the writing community where in the month of November you try and write a 50k novel. Yeah, that sounded like an awesome place to start for someone who hadn't written in years. Rose logic.

Shocking enough I didn't complete the 50k, but I did making it really close clocking in at nearly 40k! I feel so proud of myself for even doing that much, which to date is the most I have ever written for a novel. And it's inspired me to start writing again. Even if all I end up doing is writing stories on Wattpad, it'd be more than enough for this little peanut to be content. So two goals this year: 1. finish my Nanowrimo 2018 novel and 2. participate on Nanowrimo 2019. Easy-peasy.

4. Learn Korean

Again this is a resolution building off from 2018 as I started learning Korean in the late Fall time. I'll admit I started learning because of BTS and their amazing music. Not only did their music captivate me, but their personalities have made me fall over the moon in love with them. And that's only what I get through sub-titles! Naturally over time I started feeling almost deprived of learning more about them, other Korean artists, and their culture overall due to the language barrier. So that in a nutshell is what inspired me to pick Korean to study. I ended up stopping my study habits on and off throughout the last few months. It was a combination of not having time, feeling too ill, not grasping the language, and just being plain lazy. None of that anymore!

I want to be able to travel to Seoul - a goal for 2020 - and want to have a good grasp on the language so that I don't burden anyone. Of course I also have to save up and budget for that - so another goal that goes hand in hand with the changes I'm trying to implement in my lifestyle. And that's what I love about my resolutions, a lot of them tie into each other in some form or fashion and it makes it feel that much more of a life change.

Simple goal: spend one hour of study time daily.

5. Get back to blogging... Most of all polish!

Of course I spent a lot of time thinking about blogging and leaving it all behind for good. At the end of the day though... I still really love what I do. I still love nail polish and swatching. Things just needed to change, I was not in a good place and felt a slave to my own mental demons tearing me down. I don't want to get to that dark place ever again so I am pacing myself and plan on swatching 3-4 times a month. Nail art is also something I love doing and although I want to start it back up I'm still working out my schedule. The goal would be though to start nail art back up doing it twice a month with the bulk of it being a YouTube video tutorial.

Other things in my very long list include paying off some debt as I mentioned briefly, saving money for concerts and adventures, and of course getting my passport! It's not aa secre at this point that BTS came into my life in 2018 and completely helped change my life. That's honestly a whole post in of-itself. But not all of my resolutions are that complex as I even have one noted to wear makeup (put effort) when I leave the house.

There is no resolution too small or too big as long as it's achievable. No point in setting yourself up to fail from the start - a lesson I am still learning the hard way too.

Let me know some of your goals for 2019! Or what you think of the ones I've chosen to conquer?

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