Dear Diary: I Stand With You #BLM | Journal Entry #004

Dear Diary: I Stand With You #BLM | Journal Entry #004

May 25, 2020 is a date we should never forget. This was the day that George Floyd was murdered by police like so many other black men and women before him. Another name on a list far too long that we will always remember. But that day marks more than his death, it's also the day America - no, the world - has finally awakened to the cruelties faced by the black community. I wish I could say things are getting better, but things are so unbelievably messed up right now. Among other incidents, last Friday on June 12th a black man was shot outside of a Wendy's in Atlanta. Again another name to add to a list that should not exist, but continues to grow with each passing day. And then there is the somber thought that these are just the names we know of because of social media. Because there was someone there to point a camera for the world to see that the fears black people have are in fact real. It's as real as the blood in our veins and yet through it all there are still blind eyes.

The last two weeks have been brutal to watch unfold thru social media especially as a person of color myself. The amount of pain and anguish and most of all the feeling of helplessness has been overwhelming. And through it all it has made me question everything around me. It's made me sit back and do a lot of self reflection on my life and my personal understandings of racism. I come from two Hispanic parents who migrated here in their youth and was born and raised in America. Growing up in a rural area I was fortunate not to experience racism. Heck I remember white kids being the ones that stood out amongst the class because there were so far and few in the schools. But then I graduated high school and was - as people say - thrown into the real world. The great big world where suddenly I was the minority. For the first time I realized there were people who looked at me and considered me 'less than' and for lack of a better word it just made me sad.

I always pushed away the thoughts of racism, because ignorance is just that and it never personally affected me. Because you see, even though I am Hispanic and I am a person of color, my skin-tone is just light enough to 'not be a problem'. My skin is light enough to be ambiguous and I don't have a heavy accent to my voice. I'm on that line where I can fly under the radar. Because I have been surrounded by white men and women who 'chose not to see color'. That statement... It wasn't until I sat down and did my self-reflecting that I realized just how problematic and damaging that statement can be. However it's important to realize and know that most of the time it comes from a place of no ill intent. But let's think about the words themselves. You see in this scenario Sam (a white man) chooses to not see color. I'm allowed to have this job, go into this store, do whatever it is I'm doing without a second thought because Sam chooses to not see color and therefore not have a problem with it. What if Sam chooses to see color? Would I suddenly be followed into the store because as a person of color I could be shoplifting? Would my less qualified co-worker be given the raise because they're white and I'm not? Bottom line: Sam has all the power. This white man has power over me all because of something I cannot control: my skin. You see the problem? While the statement may not come from a place of evil or racism, it's an ignorant statement to make. Because you should see color. You should see me for all that I am - skin color, race, and everything else - and accept me.

Sigh. I don't know. It feels like nit-picking when I write it all out. But at the same time that feels like the way I've been conditioned to think when it comes to race. Don't make a big deal out of things and just fly under the radar. Be the token Spanish friend. Play my part. Stay in my lane. I don't want to do that any more. I feel like it's the small things like this that are adding up and resulting in bigger injustices. I don't want to play my part, I want to be heard and seen for who I am in all that I am.

Even though I'm a person of color I cannot begin to understand the pain the black community is facing right now. Your fight is my fight. I stand with Black Lives Matter. I stand with you today and every day.

The most important thing you can do as individuals is to keep the conversation going. Use your voice to make waves and create changes. Educate yourselves and others, sign petitions, donate when possible. But most important of all don't stay silent.

Below are some links to helpful resources to support Black Lives Matter. Please continue to research as there are plenty of other resources besides the ones on this list, but I figured I'd at least help point you in the right direction.



  • 13th (Netflix)
  • Strong Island (Netflix)
  • When They See Us (Netflix)
  • Dear White People (Netflix)
  • I am Not Your Negro (Amazon Prime)
  • The Uncomfortable Truth (Amazon Prime)

  • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin Diangelo
  • The Ending of Policing by Alex Vitale
  • The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander
  • We Were Eight Years in Power by TaNehisi Coates
  • The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson
  • How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
  • Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
  • So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
  • Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad

  • 1619
  • AfroQueen Podcast
  • Code Switch
  • All My Relations
  • Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast
  • Pod for the Cause
  • ‘Witness Black History' by BBC World
  • Pod Save the People

No comments

Post a Comment